


say it to my face

by Anonymous



Series: god said "fuck klaus lives!" [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-01-12 02:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18437477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: All was quiet at the table. Their father's selected Monotonous Drone of The Day was playing in the background. He signaled for them to start eating and everyone did, except Klaus, who only sat looking at Reginald quizzically. Before the old man could chastise him for it, the Seance asked a question."Why haven't we killed you yet?"In which, Klaus pisses off the little girl in the sky and really regrets it.





	1. i don't belong in this club

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter is super short sorry!
> 
> in this, they've gone back to their pre-teen bodies

_"I'm gonna keep coming back until you tell me," Klaus sang._

_The short girl in front of him glared daggers at him, "Come back and I'll curse you."_

_Klaus looked at her with narrowed eyes, "You can't do that!"_

_She raised an eyebrow and gave him a deadpan look, "Just for that dumb ass comment, I'm cursing you."_

_Before he could retort, he vanished from the monochrome clearing with a wave of her hand and she was left angrily muttering, "'_ You can't do that!' _Am I a fucking joke to him?"_

* * *

 

In the mortal world, Klaus woke up with a gasp and looked into the mirror across the room. Doing a slow spin, he made sure he didn't come back with a tail or goat eyes or some shit, cheering in victory when his search came up empty. Looking at the clock on his wall that read 5:29, he decided he might as well get ready early then read a book to pass the rest of the time.

As soon as the clock strikes 6AM, Klaus hears his siblings coming down the hall and he opens the door to join them.

Vanya greets him with a small smile, "Hey Klaus, how'd you sleep?"

"Pretty good, though I didn't really do much sleeping," He'd replied and frowned when realizing he really didn't need to mention that last part.

Allison looked at him with an amused expression, "Then what did you do?"

Before he could stop the words, they were spilling out, "Well I killed myself then died for a few hours but I guess that counts as sleeping."

Everyone went silent and his siblings all turned to look at him with various shades of concern. He quickly tried to backtrack, laughing as authentically as possible, "Just kidding!"

Suddenly there was a burning feeling crawling up his throat that he tried to force down but only became hotter, filling his mouth until he couldn't handle it and blurted out a jumble of words.

"I'm not kidding. I killed myself last night at around 1AM because I was trying to figure out why God hates me. She threatened to curse me if I came back but I annoyed her and she cursed me right then and there before sending me back at around 5AM and now I'm questioning if this is the curse because I can't stop talking and if I try to lie, it feels like I'm deepthroating a hot poker."

It felt like his stomach had fallen out of his ass and he looked at his hands in horror.

"Klaus," Diego's cautious voice broke him out of his thoughts, "Are you okay?"

He laughed and didn't fight the words coming out of his mouth, "Mangled bodies scream and wail at me all hours of the day, all my childhood trauma is kicking me in the dick, I'm going through constant withdrawals, and my body is in a seemingly never ending state of wrongness due to said withdrawals. So I guess it really just depends on your definition of okay—God this is going to be a pain in the ass isn't it?"

 


	2. it went from worse to worser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i used to wonder how writers' chapters got deleted but it happened to me so uhh this chapter might feel a bit rushed and i am very mad right now

They made a simple plan to speak as little as possible for the rest of the day, which would've been easy if this 'curse' was clear with its parameters. Klaus not only was forced to tell the truth, but he also started blurting out everything that crossed his mind since the middle of the afternoon. And that development made everything, to say the least, really  _fucking_ hard.

Now as they stood at the table for dinner, Klaus tried to keep his mind blank and his mouth shut. Unfortunately, that didn't work out too great because Klaus had shit luck thanks to that gremlin in the sky.

He knew exactly when he'd thought it. They'd gone through the whole routine of dinner and all was quiet at the table. Their father's selected Monotonous Drone of The Day starts playing in the background. He didn't mean to let the question drift into his head but as Reginald signaled for them to start eating, Klaus only looked down at his plate with clenched fists. Before the old man could chastise him for it, the Seance let the question come out.

"Why haven't we killed you yet?"

 Reginald's gaze snapped to him with a fire Klaus couldn't explain and he spoke through gritted teeth, "I beg your pardon?"

"Why haven't we killed you? I didn't mean to say it out loud, though I wondered about it a lot.. still do. Why hasn't One ripped your spine from your body? Why hasn't Two gutted you like a fish? Why hasn't Three snuck into your study as you scribble in that stupid fucking notebook and tell you to blow your brains out? You probably tried to convince yourself we wouldn't but you knew it was a lie. You've been teaching us to kill bad guys since we could walk so what's the difference in killing the abusive, neglectful asshole we're supposed to call father?" Klaus couldn't tell if it was this curse or the thirty years of hate spilling out spurring him on as he continued, "Do you know how much I would give to watch you in that mausoleum, yelling and begging to let you out as ghosts scream so loud you can't hear yourself? I'd stand outside of that stone hell and watch you suffer asking you 'Are you scared, Reggie?' while laughing my ass off because _finally,_ the bastard gets a taste of his own medicine."

He watched Reginald as his expression turned from venomous to the tints of what looked like... fear, Klaus realized with a twinge of satisfaction. He looked at his siblings and they stared back at him with expressions varying from concern, shock, and Five wearing a smug smile. With a rush of confidence, he stood up, "I am going to my room."

He got to his room and promptly let out a squeal, flailing his arms in excitement because holy shit he just did that.

Then it hit him.

_Holy shit he just did that,_

The excitement turned to anxiety as he worried what Reginald would but was interrupted when he heard several pairs of feet running down the hall towards him. Before he could get to the door, Five appeared in front of it and opened the door, letting everyone else in. Once he closed the door, there were instant exclamations, curses, and comments of appreciation all directed towards Klaus.

"You should've seen his face when you left," Vanya said laughing and Ben agreed.

"Klaus.. what mauso—" Allison started but the boy in question was quick to cut her off.

He chuckled awkwardly, "Can we have that conversation when I can filter through my thought-to-speech?"

His sister looked suspicious but nodded and let it go, turning to talk to Diego.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be A LOT better promise!


	3. it's not me, it's you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Klaus can we ask you questions?"
> 
> He hummed, "Sure, I guess. Just don't ask any depressing questions or this is gonna take a dark turn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read this fic back and its kinda?? terribly written?? who let me post this dksdsfks
> 
> also sorry for practically abandoning this fic so here's this chapter as an apology

They all sat silently in Klaus' room until Diego piped up from the floor.

"Hey Klaus can we ask you questions?"

Klaus snorted, "Why?"

The other boy shrugged, "C'mon it'll be like twenty-one questions."

He gave it a thought and hummed, "Sure, I guess. Just don't ask any depressing questions or this is gonna take a dark turn."

The statement made the siblings flare with confusion and they shared discreet looks of concern before deciding not to ask about it.. for now.

"Me first," Vanya said and paused to think of something, "What do you think about each of us?"

Their brother laughed, "Do you want me to go in number order?"

The rest nodded and Klaus began speaking.

"Luther is pretty good in my book. He's become a lot less of an asshole and I'm glad because before, oh dear god! He was like the human representation of a clenched fist... or constipation," At that, they all shared a hard laugh, even Luther. Who held his stomach as he laughed.

The dark haired boy then gestured to Diego, "And don't even get me started on your whole aesthetic back then. I mean, you looked like the owner of a BDSM club with all the leather and don't get me wrong if you were doing that on the DL I wouldn't judge, they're great," A collective groan. "But the harness? At all hours of the day? Your skin must hate you."

Allison chuckled nudged the boy in question, "He has a point."

All she got as a response was a push to the shoulder and a sarcastic laugh.

"Allison was already on her way towards a character arc before we became children and I'm proud of her. I really am."

She touched her heart with a smile, "Does this mean I'm your favorite?"

Klaus laughed, "In your dreams! Now, skipping me because we all know I'm a mess and moving on to Five! I'm gonna be frank, Five was a real cunt. I've never wanted to punt a child into the sun as much as I have with Five and I thank him for letting me experience that. But also if he makes me experience that again, I will be filling a gym sock with quarters and beating him with it!"

For the first in quite a while, they saw Five look genuinely shocked as he stared at Klaus disbelievingly and let out a surprised laugh.

"For Ben, my Benny Bear. My bean, my partner in crime, the pain in my ass, my Benjamin—"

"I hate when you call me that, my name isn't even Benjamin."

Klaus ignored it and continued on, "The yin to my yang, the reason I woke up in the mornings. He puts up with all my shit and needs some kind of Nobel Peace Prize for that. He is also... my favorite sibling!"

Various mad noises were heard through the room. A  _really?_ and a _come on!_ were heard and Klaus giggled and shrugged, "It's the truth!"

He turned to Vanya with his best serious face, "And now Vanya. The baby of the family and the most powerful and I'm so glad! I've always known you had the potential to be that bitch and you are! And I'm happy! You're also the only person to ever say that they've ended the world so how cool is that?"

Vanya laughed with a beaming smile, "Thanks Klaus. Now how much of that were you forced to say?"

"Wait that was supposed to be hard? I could've answered all that without the verbal Mark of Cain!"

**Author's Note:**

> uhh yeah leave a comment or something if you want!


End file.
